Dear Jesus, Love Judas

You took us in and made us
belong, healed our scars, forgave our crimes.
You loved me best, I loved you most.
A story bound in the haze of our glory days.
I wish I could say no regrets, no mistakes or debts—
just memories made.
I wish I could say it was my choice, my responsibility.

Your love erased everything I was, leaving only the darkness
of my betrayal.
Tell me how I should feel knowing what I know now.
Tell me how I should feel knowing your dreams came true
at my expense.

Your Father wrote the scripts, but You chose the cast.
“One closest to you will betray you,” Your Father granted.
You’re a slave to prophecy, I know,
but did you know we’d be too?
I’m the villain, the proverbial apostate. I hurt
you and I wouldn’t presume an apology for leaving
me at the potter’s field.
Just answer me this, If betrayal by your favorite was ordained, and
you loved me best, Who truly stuck the knife in first?