From the moment you're convicted, society will see you as your crime. DOCCS will assign you an identification number, the facility will give you a cell number, and that is who you'll be to them. The person you were--or thought you were--before prison will be gone, and it's up to you to remedy that.

It's human nature to want to put everything into categories and boxes; staff, COs, and your peers are going to tell you who you are or should be. Don't buy into that. You choose who you want to be. Look deep within yourself, get to know yourself--your true self. Explore your weaknesses and your strengths; smart people know what they know, and what they don't. Don't forget that you're different because prison will constantly try to remind you of that fact. Wear your Queerness like an armor so it can't be used against you.

Coming to prison is traumatic, everything that led you here is traumatic, and there's no instruction manual on how to deal with that. Don't rush it or force it, allow yourself to feel all of it. Your first time in prison is a Big Moment in your life; it doesn't matter who you were before, it's who you are after that counts--that's when you find out what you're really made of. Don't tell people who you are, SHOW them who you are with your actions.

Not being funny won't make you a bad person, but not having a sense of humor will. Don't let prison jade you; misery loves company, but laughter is contagious. Find the humor in everything, it'll be your best therapy. From cursing my life-long leprechaun phobia to hours that feel like minutes, when Halo and I are together we never miss a worker, you'll rise above petty prison politics.

Just because we're paying for our crimes it doesn't mean we become instant martyrs. We deal with our demons, we get into bad relationships, we fall and make mistakes. Sometimes doing the wrong thing is what feels right. Fine. Just know that kind of life is not sustainable. Learn to ask yourself, "How am I going to get out of this mess?" And if things get too crazy, remember: Chaos is the mother of Opportunity.

Sometimes you have to be selfish; how can you help someone else if you can't help yourself? Prison society isn't built on institutions, but on individuals. Every facility will have its own ever-changing LGBTQ+ community because it is a reflection of its members. So if there are a lot of insecure, lying, predatory Queens, that will be what the community represents. Don't be a Captain Save A Hoe, save yourself first. Be the change you want to see, and the rest will follow... eventually... hopefully??

Most people won't get close enough to you to judge you for who you are, you will be judged by who people THINK you are. In prison, our Word is our most precious possession. Your reputation precedes you. If you want to be a part of the prison society, you must be willing to play by prison rules. No exceptions. Respect begets respect. Snitches begets stitches.

Men respect loyalty. A secret in prison will take you very far; it's currency. Learn to keep your conquests to yourself. You never know when you'll need an ally.

chance to lead with Humor (well, except for that one time she called me a fascist and a transphobe because I didn't think Caitlyn Jenner was brave and beautiful). Don't take everything so serious, there will be PLENTY of time to be serious in prison.

The biggest advantage the incarcerated have over the nonincarcerated is our abundance of time. Imagine using all our free time productively--the possibilities are endless.

If Idleness is the Devil's playground, then prison is its Disneyland. From smoking cigarettes out of boredom to dating someone not worth the time, prison has no shortage of traps to fall into while killing time. Take advantage of the programs offered at your facility. This life of yours is 100% your responsibility--so use it. Culture yourself, read some Shakespeare and Oscar Wilde. Trust me, you drop some Shakespeare on a man you're interested in and it'll trigger an instant mental boner.

What happens to a rigid foundation under too much weight? It breaks. No one can
tell you what life is going to throw at you, learn to roll with the punches. Reset,
readjust, restart, refocus as many times as you need to. Just don't quit when you find
something that's important to you.
There's going to come a time in life when you're going to have to choose between
"going with the flow" or planting yourself in the ground like a tree and force the
world to go around you. Not every battle is meant to be fought, so learn what your
values are and stick to them when they're tested. If you don't, they're not values--
they're hobbies.

Managing resources is key in prison: energy, time, money, effort. All finite
resources, so when you find something--someone--worth it, pursue it to the fullest.
Consistency is power. Be whatever the fuck you want to be, just be the best THAT you
can be.
In prison you're measured by how useful you are, everything else is secondary.
Excel at any job you're given, always be an asset. If you make yourself an invaluable

It happens to all of us, we get played by some dude we thought was "The One." We're
in prison with some of the best con-artists, and some of the best sex you'll ever
have. This is just another reality of prison, and the sooner you accept it, the sooner
you'll learn to work with it. Never give a man anything you're not willing to part
with, this way you'll never feel completely used.
Be warned: Sometimes what your false idol wants will be material--easy to get over--
but sometimes it'll be something more, it'll be a piece of yourself. It is up to you
to decide how far you'll go. How far you'll compromise yourself.

If you are overtly Queer, you'll experience the gap when lining up to go to chow,
rec, or any call-out. Men will shuffle around, not wanting to line up behind you as if
you're contagious, leaving a gap between you and the next person. I personally hate
the gap and find it insulting, but I would NEVER let them see me bothered.
There is no point in trying to figure out this phenomenon; some do it to make you
feel less-than, some do it because they want you but are afraid of people knowing,
some genuinely believe Queerness is a disease. Who cares. Never let them see you
bleed. You'll meet a lot of ignorant, rigid people in your time. If you want people to
respect your views, you must learn to respect theirs--no matter how backwards they may
be. If the gap really begins to bother you, try to place yourself around people you
know won't treat you as the Outbreak monkey (or place a straight-passing friend
between you and them).

Your body is your temple--take care of it. Youth and genetics will only take you
but so far, in the end gravity always wins. Find a form of exercise that works for you
(yes, walking the yard counts). Learn to eat healthy (as best you can, this is prison,
almost everything is processed), and take care of your health. Before sleeping with
anyone I always inquire about their last blood test, and make sure to have mine in
hand. It has nothing to do with trust; I'm not suspicious, I'm cautious. Condoms are
considered contraband and can land you in disciplinary, so think of an HIV test as
your fuck license. (I used to request a yearly HIV test, but in Shawangunk it's A LOT
easier to just get a general blood test; my last HIV test took 2 years to get, and
they used me as training so, without asking my permission prior to taking the test, I
was given my results with the ENTIRE nursing and administrative staff in the room
watching my every reaction. Thank god I knew it was negative, but still...
unprofessional much?)

In prison perception is reality. Being the best you can take a while to get right,
but being the better you can happen now. Out in the world, we can hide behind pretty
things, but in prison we're stripped to our barest. Men, specially those you date,
will judge you by how well you take care of yourself and your 6'-by-12' space. Keep
your cell clean, stay on top of your hygiene. Learn to do laundry routinely.
Presentation is 80% of the work.

True-anything is a rare find in prison, so learn to recognize and protect it.
Finding true love is magical, finding true friendship is priceless--it's homebase.
When you find your Squad, it won't matter who breaks your heart or fucks with you or
whatever prison throws at you because you already know where home is and who has your
back. There's strength in numbers, so make everyone--including yourself--in the Squad
count. With that said, don't think everyone in our prison community is about rainbows
and glitter. Prison Queens can be some of the messiest, predatory hoes you'll ever run
across, and a shared love of dick doesn't mean you guys have to be instant friends.
Yes, build community. Put yourself out there. Bring your walls down. But also PAY
ATTENTION. Don't listen to who they tell you they are, let them SHOW you. All of us in
prison are damaged in one way or another, so don't have unrealistic expectations of
friendship either. We ALL talk shit about each other, but true friends stab you in the
front (Oscar Wilde). If you find yourself in a community full of people you can't find
one good thing to say about, be vague and pull back politely. Like my mom always told
me, "It's better to be alone than with bad company."